[ He gets this message and reflexively grips the number on his arm, higher now than it was a month ago. This was always coming. There is no hiding from it. ]
[ Stars, if they aren't both making this difficult. Obi-Wan stares quietly at his phone for a few long minutes. Anakin must be terrified, though of which part, Obi-Wan cannot hope to know.
What would be the kindest thing to do? He cannot ignore it. If this place has taught him anything, it is that turning the other cheek only makes things worse. ]
I will be frank with you.
Although the circumstances were fabricated, the things I said and... did... in that place were honest and true.
I pray you can forgive me if you feel I have wronged you, but I will understand if that is not within your power.
[ They send their messages at the same time, and Obi-Wan laughs, perhaps with a touch of hysteria. It evidently hadn't even been the first thing on Anakin's mind, and given what he says that's rather understandable. Nevertheless, he still feels rather foolish. He should have let Anakin start. ]
Let us start at the top, then.
What is troubling you the most? Toko or Palpatine?
[ Even your lives there were right. Obi-Wan wonders at that statement, and about what he had found himself doing. What was right about his job as a lawyer? Just another brand of politics, only more insidious. Yes, he had helped people — but not always. And it certainly hadn't helped him keep a partner to raise a child with.
It did not stop him from wanting with everything in him — not to come back to this other, true life. ]
[What he hears is the same argument they'd had on Utapau, after Ahsoka had left and Obi-Wan explained how he could never be disappointed in Anakin. About how Anakin could never fail him and how certain he was that he'd never need to know what it was like. When Anakin had stayed up most of the night staring out into the darkness, wondering if he would ever see her again. If it was going to be like his mother, or Padmé- a lifetime of saying goodbye to the people he loves.
His fingers curl into fists and Anakin finds that no matter how much he cares about Obi-Wan, he has a name for this feeling now. The one filling his mouth with ash. Resentment.]
Fine.
When I return home, I'm going to assassinate the Chancellor and send my wife into hiding. And if I'm not arrested and executed for the crime, then I'm going to leave the Order. How does that make you feel.
[ He can feel the sizzle of resentment, a prickle at the base of his skull (I hate you!, his mind reminds him, before he can push the nightmare away) and shivers. Forges onward. ]
Grief, that you feel you must do this alone. And certainty, that I would never let the Republic make an example of you.
If I must leave the Order to make that happen, then that is what I will do.
I would have left if the Council turned you away after Qui-Gon died. I would have left if you decided the Jedi Order was not your place when you were twelve. And I will leave now, whether you ask me to or not, if this is the path you choose to walk.
[It hits him like a slap in the face. Anakin staggers beneath it, retreats instinctively, as if his feet are looking for firmer ground- as if he's made a mistake.]
I don't understand
[Disbelief, confusion, a wringing of hands, the churning of water. The keenly watchful face of an eleven year old waiting for the other shoe to drop.]
We're in different times And you won't believe me. You'll try to stop me
[ It would be ideal, wouldn't it? Arrest him and have him tried for treason. Expose him to the public. Show the people the Jedi are right, that the Chancellor was the evil one.
But then he remembers Ahsoka's trial and the Senate's interference. He remembers how ready he was to kill Palpatine himself when Yoda looked at him. ]
No.
The only reasonable thing I will ask of you, as I have always done, is to think before you act.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
@skywalker
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Yes.
Do you remember everything?
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You mean from before?
Or from
There
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Both.
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Mostly
The things that matter
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What would be the kindest thing to do? He cannot ignore it. If this place has taught him anything, it is that turning the other cheek only makes things worse. ]
I will be frank with you.
Although the circumstances were fabricated, the things I said and... did... in that place were honest and true.
I pray you can forgive me if you feel I have wronged you, but I will understand if that is not within your power.
1/2
I had sex with Toko. I think I'm going to kill the Chancellor.
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Reads it again.
Isn't sure if maybe in his panic he's reading the words wrong but-]
And I don't think you wronged me
You didn't wrong me
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Let us start at the top, then.
What is troubling you the most? Toko or Palpatine?
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Everything I ever thought or felt just
Came out of me and I couldn't stop it
And it's my fault! Even you were still good until I started changing things and ruining all of it
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You stayed in control. Even your lives there were right!
But I did everything wrong Obi-Wan
I did everything wrong and then I convinced you to come along
Like I always do
What kind of Jedi am I?
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It did not stop him from wanting with everything in him — not to come back to this other, true life. ]
Anakin, you think too highly of me.
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I'm sorry Master.
You've done so much for me. Please don't blame yourself for my shortcomings.
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Do you think you have done nothing for me in turn?
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[He's the Jedi he is today, the man he is, because of Obi-Wan.]
But I know how you're going to feel when I do what must be done.
[Because it's the way he'd felt watching Ahsoka walk away.]
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I do not think you truly understand my position.
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[ Across the distance between them, he touches the bond that ties them. If you are asking—]
So ask me, and I will know you are listening when I answer.
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His fingers curl into fists and Anakin finds that no matter how much he cares about Obi-Wan, he has a name for this feeling now. The one filling his mouth with ash. Resentment.]
Fine.
When I return home, I'm going to assassinate the Chancellor and send my wife into hiding. And if I'm not arrested and executed for the crime, then I'm going to leave the Order. How does that make you feel.
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Grief, that you feel you must do this alone. And certainty, that I would never let the Republic make an example of you.
If I must leave the Order to make that happen, then that is what I will do.
I would have left if the Council turned you away after Qui-Gon died. I would have left if you decided the Jedi Order was not your place when you were twelve. And I will leave now, whether you ask me to or not, if this is the path you choose to walk.
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I don't understand
[Disbelief, confusion, a wringing of hands, the churning of water. The keenly watchful face of an eleven year old waiting for the other shoe to drop.]
We're in different times
And you won't believe me. You'll try to stop me
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[ How had he said it? Sith lords are our specialty. What a joke. Derisiveness slithers through him before he can bring it under control.]
But you know it to be true, and you are the only person who could tell me that I would possibly believe.
I know what loyalty means to you, Anakin, and you would never accuse a friend of such betrayal if you were not absolutely certain.
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You'll want us to be reasonable about it. To arrest him.
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But then he remembers Ahsoka's trial and the Senate's interference. He remembers how ready he was to kill Palpatine himself when Yoda looked at him. ]
No.
The only reasonable thing I will ask of you, as I have always done, is to think before you act.
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